Dude, where’s my coconut?

Strolling through Toronto’s Chinatown last Saturday, I kept an eye open for a favourite treat of mine – young coconuts. We found them, three for five dollars. It seemed fated, since I was with two companions, Nicolas and his friend Jason – three people for the three coconut special. Soon the tops were chopped off the coconuts and straws were inserted, and we were on our way. Nic and Jason were not as enthusiastic about the coconuts as I was, and they quickly jettisoned theirs, but I sipped mine all the way to the patio we were headed for.

Once we arrived, my coconut dry of its juice, I presented it to the waitress and said “fill ‘er up with rum and coke”. The waitress obliged, and the coconut became a celebrated element of the evening, with Nic even bestowing a name upon it – Bernie. We were joined by a few other friends, and after a little while became restless, since the atmosphere at the bar was pretty sedate. Unfortunately, one of our friends had just ordered a beer. No problem – take it to go in the coconut! In the beer went, and we were on our way to the next place, an opening at Spin Gallery. The beer-filled coconut slipped in unnoticed.

The night wore on, and I felt a bit adrift in a turbulent sea consisting of a dazzling array of scenesters and a very very particular genre of art (which I will discuss at length in the next post, but right now I will tell you that I have christened this genre of art Supermodel Taking A Shit). Then I saw someone I didn’t know carrying my coconut! It turns out “security” was carting it away to the trash. I approached the gentleman who had disposed of my coconut, and told him the whole story of Bernie’s short life. “Very clever… brilliant really,” he purred in my ear. “I’m supposed to make sure no one sneaks anything in. I never would have thought to check the coconut.”

Now you know, folks. No one thinks to check the coconut. Fill it up with whatever suits your fancy and take to the streets. You’ll need a good stiff drink to appreciate art in the Supermodel Taking A Shit genre.